mind playing games.
{ Wednesday, January 13, 2010
6:27 PM }
boys are gay.
they can be, at least.
their stupid mind play games
and stupid tricks.
i just wanna punch them in the face.
pretty sure i made a fool of myself today
but i dont really care about that part.
it was the part where i walked up the damn stairs.
and he wasn't there to walk me to class.
i mean, i wish he did.
but he knows he doesn't have to.
so whatever.
but, you know, i knew it would be a disappointing.
for some reason, i wasn't. but a small part of me was.
and i really hate that.
when you know its not gonna happen,
you're still disappointed.
its ridiculous.
but eh. you can't control your emotions right?
i wish i did. i really really could.
you have no idea.
i'd be the most happiest person in the world.
not having to worry about a thing, and being
able to fake everything and no one will know one thing.
but damn it.
i just wanna be able to be careless about everything.
be strong.
thats what i want.
to show everyone im fearless.
but you know whats the most sickening & sad?
no one cares.no one cares
at all about your problems.
when you tell someone your problems they don't care.
they say they're sorry and shit. but are they really?
i don't think so. i think that sorry is just bull shit.
sorry is nothing to me anymore.
im tired of that word.
but the fact that no one cares anymore is just sad.
you read this, you say that people do care.
but really. deep down, they don't.
maybe theres like 1 little second of sympathy, but thats it.
you're alone in this world.
thats life.
i need to learn to be independent.
to not count on
anyone for anything.
thats who i want to be.
thats what i want to be.
but its not exactly easy.
im so dependent it just makes me sad.
because i hate having to tell people my problems.
they have to listen to it, when they have problems of their own.
so honestly, they don't really care.
sure, they try to help you.
thats thoughtful.
then they tell you 'you need to let it out'
fuck that.
why would you when you don't care.
i'm not angry.
im just annoyed & upset now.
i know no ones reading this.
and thats the way i like it.
because im complaining on this blog.
and it feels nice instead of telling someone else them.
you know what i want?
i want to be someone that people look up in 'aw'
i want to be strong.
i want to be courageous.
i want to be fearless.
i want to be headstrong.
i want to be happy.
i want to be independent.
i want to be a great person.
and that's what im trying to do.
i listen to other people's problems.
i actually try and help them.
despite what i said, i
do care.
especially if its someone that means the most to me.
i try and help anyone and everyone that needs it.
i love to help people with their problems.
but one thing that i dislike,
is the fact that when i need help, even if something little,
they don't do shit.
hm, i feel better, i guess.
blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
my wrist effing hurts.
idk why either.
its been hurting off and on today.
its painful as balls.
-sigh-
stupid boys.
haha.
but you know.
you can't count on anyone. anymore.
